oficialy out of the bubble

here i sit in Atlanta....enjoying the cubs and bears which were both on tv here...i don't know what it means to grow up. i still want to learn and experience more but i feel i need to be more committed to something. work seems like the only choice and i just have to stay interested and want to put in the work to be great. i have been good at alot of things in my life without trying and i even was very good in a few an ability but i never put it all in cause i wasn't committed. i need to try harder...but the work needs to pick up. ...on to the deal cause the flow is gone.....i have a Sunday only policy with 10 get out of jail free cards till the bears clinch a playoff spot....do this so you know you have control of your life....and so you can preform!!!!!!!!! football is a game played by real people that do things at a crazy speed...remember that.....and madden....to play with the bears you have to play as the bears.....

Real life or Movie?

How can i start describe what i just went through. In baseball they say a pitchers fastball speed only matters when the has a slow pitch to change the batters eye. Well taking that onto my life i feel that the polarity of my emotions from 3 Pm Friday the 13th of April and 3 am Saturday the 14th. The best way to tell the story is just to start at the beginning and let the emotions flow. Thursday started like few days this year have. Me doing school work. I had just finished my 10 page research paper on the importance of the mutual cooperation and recognition in police and judicial decisions for the growth and maturation of the EU. Great topic i know but it seemed more interesting at the time. I was so released after my paper was done and turned in after a quick shower we went straight to church Street. With good friends, good taco's, beer, and two dice for 7-11-or-doubles it was a great happy hour. When you know almost everyone in the bar and everyone you call comes to join the fun, it just feels like your life is in line. After nine we all went back to my house for some beer pong and festivities. People came and people went but they all came to our house because that is where you can find real people who treat you with respect as long as you do the same. It was time for the bars and sound scape. everyone claims to be sick of the songs because we have heard them so many times, but we have seen them almost every week all year and now we are even going to Stadium to see them. I walked into stadium like any other night saying hi to people outside while trying to bumb a dollar from Adam cause of their ridiculous three dollar cover. I saw the bump city kids as soon as i got to the bar but i had no cash so i couldn't even get a drink. I went to say hi to my friend Elissa and she was standing with a girl i had never seen before. I had heard the City was getting another visitor and i was excited because the last visitors have been really cool and usually lead to crazy nights. Sarah was her name. She was something i have not seen in along time. She was beautiful, funny, talkative, crazy, partied as hard as i did; she was REAL. Now i obviously didn't know most of those things when i was introduced to her at the bar but beautiful and crazy came real quick one because I'm not blind and the other cause she made out with Elissa. I was very intrigued with this new person but i also had friends at the bar so after walking and talking for a while i decided i could go back and make a better introduction. To my surprise and delight i was asked if i wanted to leave and go back to my place to drink and continue to party without spending money on beer. We Played Checkers till it got boring and drank till everything was gone. Throughout all of this debauchery i was still trying to understand who Sarah was and just how much of a chance i had. As i usually do when nervous about a girl i went to her best friends and tried to get an assessment of the situation. This turned out to be the path of most resistance. Elissa's role will develop more lately but at this point she just keeps saying that Sarah will be sleeping with her in her bed. Now Cole was very interested in my question. Not only did he say i shouldn't/couldn't do anything he doubted my ability to and was obviously upset with the extra attention i was getting form Sarah, his real intentions come later. It is hard to understand or remember how much time passed between all these events but it doesn't really matter. I was asked when i knew she was as interested as me as i was in her. After giving a funny answer i told them the truth. When she told me that she had her own room at Elissa's and she wanted me to be there. I never take anything with girls for granted anymore because as soon as you think you’re in, your way out. Sarah and i started to sneak around, hiding super hot make out and grope sessions all over the house. All her friends didn't want it to happen but she didn't care. I don't know what she was thinking. I still don't. I don't know why she saw more than anyone has in a while what i want people to know me as. A good person who is honest and truthful with all their friends who is looking for the most fun he can have without hurting anyone by doing it. Sarah looked me in the eyes and i could see a person that was genuinely interested in me and what i had to say. It made me feel incredible. I have had people look at me like that before but it been far too long that i be able to experience that feeling for more than a fleeting moment. As great as this was we still had multiple people trying to make sure that this wouldn't happen. Time round 5 am. In my room with Elissa, Sarah, Cole and Gould. I am almost accepting the fact this might not happen. Elissa says she wants to leave and everyone agrees, it is late after all. Sarah and Elissa walk out of the room and i get no signal or whisper as what i am to do. It was all a play! That’s what i thought. I sat on the steps with Cole waiting for Gould and this is what he said. Sorry dude, now you see she is just a huge tease. I had to agree because minus a planed last ditch call of Elissa i thought she was gone. Then the cutting remark, "if it makes you feel any better it was good! Wait that probably doesn't help." I have found out a lot all the bump city people that make me understand they are not the perfect group i first saw. Cole really opened my eyes to his true respect for me with most of this. After i closed the door behind Gould i went back to my room to call Elissa. As i walked back out my bedroom door putting the phone to my ear i saw her standing there. She was looking at me with the same eyes that had made me melt all night and all she said was "i didn't leave". It was amazing. Again the polarity of emotion made this moment and the ensuing hallway make out attack an almost out of body experience. We went back into my room and she pushed me on the bed. My heart and head were racing because i couldn't comprehend what was happenings so i just let go and just enjoyed myself. Now as the theme of this story become more apparent you will see why this moment was the start of fates twisted game. As things are heating up i hear a voice and it sounds like they are crying. My window picks up voices from all over but this was different because it was almost 6 am. It was Elissa. She was at my door crying asking Sarah why she left her and that she wanted her to come back. I had to open the door but it was not my place to say or do anything. So i chose to hide behind the door and make short statements when i was asked anything. My heart was sinking because i realized that Sarah would have to leave to spend time with Elissa. Sarah is a Miami Alum and was only here for one night. Sarah told Elissa to go down stairs and she would be down in five minutes. I kissed her and told her she should go be with her friend. I hated the words as they came out of my mouth but i knew it was i had to say. To my great delight Sarah did not want to leave but after ten minutes of horrible one lines and maybe goodbye she went down to talk to Elissa. I sat in my chair and tried to gather my thoughts but before i could relax she walked back in my room said Elissa wasn't there anymore and she would have to stay. I would have asked more questions but I Didn't want to change the current situation. I could go into detail about the next few hours but that would take away the only personal memory about this story I never want to dull with time. Besides being super strung out I felt like I had just climbed Everest. I had gotten the girl by being myself, and being honest. By 11 we had slept a few hours on and off but every time I woke up it was incredible to pull Sarah closer and have her nestle in to acknowledge me. When the sun became too much to handle we laid in bed with a bowl and talked about life and who we were and where we were going. We were completely honest with each other because we had no reason to lie, we both knew it was a matter of hours before she had to leave and reality would set it. It was hard to get up and have her leave. I drove her back to Bump and after getting her number and one last kiss she was gone. I don’t know if I will see her again. I want to, but there is something to be said for the perfect night. To be real if she was here today I would ask her out for dinner. Have a real first date and then see if the person I have in my head is real. That is not possible so I will have to live with the memory of one perfect night. 3 pm on the way home I stopped and picked up Wendy's for Jay and I. and got a call that I needed to put together money for our weeks work. I had completely forgotten about the money and had to take the next hour and I was able to gather two stacks. After Drew left I was sitting on the couch just trying to understand what had happened since handing in my paper. As I was sitting me got a message from Adam wanting to celebrate his just completed “test”. I was still glowing so I agreed whole heartily. The only reason I mention this is because sleep was something I still had not experienced and thanks to this was not going to anytime soon. I had to get ready for Halfstock, a two day drinking event. I had not talked to Cole or Elissa since the night before and as I got out of the car they were on the porch and I realized i would know real fast if they were still mad. Elissa was fine. Cole was in denial. Either way I was not going to get any trouble. Opening ceremonies were a case race and thanks to some miscommunication we only had four of us from our team. I was getting wasted when Elissa asked me if I wanted some acid. I could not think of why not so down the hatch went the gel tab. The rest of the party was uneventful beside some fun conversations about the last night and a few crazy kids who drank so much one kid shat himself. We went uptown and I loved ever minute of it. There were people I hadn’t seen in a while there and just an all around good experience. At around 130 we decided it was too crowded and that we had, had a long enough night. Aaron Jay and Annie walked back with me. We sat on the couch and started talking and watching bill mar. A bowl was going around as Tom got home and said those now ominous words. “Those kids are lighting roman candles outside.” Tom ordered some food and we continued to talk. Then a knock. The delivery man we assume. Tom opens the door and it’s not DP dough. It’s the Oxford Police. They are asking about the fireworks because we are the only ones awake. After he understands we are not the firework criminals he asks about the smell of Weed. My heart sank as I hid the bowl in the bed under the couch. We had gotten out of a lot of trouble in the past but this time it felt different. It was. We talked to the police and tried to reason with them. After the threat of multiple warrants I finally agreed to go get the weed I had. It was a set up I knew I was walking into because as soon as they had the weed my pipes were as good a gone and I was fucked. I ended my acid trip talking to the cops as they wrote me two tickets for possession of marijuana and paraphernalia. The ticket for the weed is a fine with no criminal penalty but the pipes are different. Jay’s dad had agreed to help and he knows most of the oxford judicial organization but my life could still be fucked. I cam back inside and sat down to try and understand what had happened. I was trying to understand what my life for about 24 hours now and I still was struggling. I wasn’t upset, I was scared. I made the choice to break the law in regards to marijuana long ago and to question that decision would be to question everything I have done over the past 9 years. 3 Am. So there it is. 24 hours of the most amazing moments of my life and some of the worst. Here is sit not 24 hours after the tickets and I struggle with my emotions. I have gone from anger and range at the police and the kids with the fire works, to complete breakdown which left me balling in the fertile position on my bed with a sheet over my head. Right now I’m somewhere in the middle. Fate, destiny, karma, a combination of all three. What if it had but Thursday when the cops came? I would be in jail along with about 10 others. 24 hours later and we would have not been at our house because of half stock. We did nothing to draw attention to ourselves besides having our lights on. The questions don’t stop there. With what was in my room I could have received a few felonies but the cops didn’t push me or search very hard. What do I do now? This could go away or it could rune my life as I know it. Why did I just tell you all this. I don’t know. I needed to get it out. Put it into words so that I can actually believe what happened. I always say life without drama is not worth living because drama is what gives life its edge and intrigue. I don’t think I will use that line again soon but it still holds true. Friday the 13th brought me a story of a lifetime lets just hope this one has a happy ending. I finally understand the feelings behind this song and I suggest anyone that shares my sentiments listen to.
John Butler Trio: Busted
All, all that I know
Is that I stand here before you as criminal
For what I have done, and for what I still am doing
What you see is wrong
But I'm just watching the sunset and playing my old song
So why did you even have to come along
And all, all that am
Is a good man searching for some truth
So why, why mess with me
Just cos you say I'm doing something wrong against society
But I'm just having a smoke and playing guitar, can't you see
But I made the mistake and thought I was free
Thought I was, thought I was free
Thought I was, thought I was free
Well you got your alcohol and your tobacco and you make your money off
And your sending our kids off to war and your killing all of us
But I can not have a smoke, no, cos your whole world come crumbling down
No I cannot smoke a spliff, no, cos your whole world come crumbling down
I don't think so, I don't think so
All, all that I know
Is that I stand here before you as criminal
For what I have done, and for what I still am doing
What you see is wrong
But I'm just watching the sunset and playing my old song
So why did you even have to come along
Hey man, why won't you just, won't you just leave me alone

To Many Ideas

For many people that know me it may come as a surprise that I actually have more on my mind than i can say out loud. I am going to try and use this blog to share my ideas , interests, and thoughts in a world where our busy lives can often restrict us from doing so. I would encourage anyone who reads this to start their own, it's not difficult at all and I would offer a way for everyone to get to know more about each other and stay in touch after we leave this bubble.